GreenSunflower

I'm Back

After a much needed break, and a few emails stating how much I was missed, I am back.

During my time away, I wasn't really depressed, just making changes in life.

I am transferring to the emergency department where I work, and am really excited for a new change.

I am 8 days post ovulation and our baby dancing timing looks good, so it is possible I could be pregnant this month.

Babe and I are going to Hawaii in a short 24 days.

I am sure there will be more to say, but I just wanted to say I am here again.

Dear Nordstrom Shoes

When I walked into your usually overstaffed shoe department, I knew you were understaffed.  I figured I would have to wait.  I went and stood by the shoes that are well more than $100+ a pair. 

I watched three cute, thin, blond, and sexy women walk in after me.  Each one of those women was helped before me.  In total I probably waited 15 mins.  This is very unusual in your store. 

When someone came over to me, I calmly said, "I know I am not your most attractive customer, but I guarantee I have more money to spend than the other women you helped before me."

He turned red.  A nice woman came out with my shoes and helped me.  It took her  5min and she probably made $15 in commission, for 5 mins work.

I would suggest to your employees, especially men, that a woman already in expensive shoes, with Coach bag, but rather humbly dressed, and bodied, be helped immediately, she likes to spend money on things besides her clothes.

To The Guy At The Post Office

Admittedly, I am sick.  Admittedly, I shouldn't have forgotten my purse-pen on the kitchen table, after writing an $800 check for health insurance (I will be so glad when benefits start next month!), but really did you have to sign all that paperwork next to the USPS forms?

I realize you were sending out your demo tape and had to sign over your first born child in rights, to get a sliver of a chance at having your song put on an album and your asshole ripped out in royalties you will never see, due to the extremely long paper you were signing, with multiple signatures, but seriously... there was one pen!

Could you not see me waiting with my one, 3 line form to fill out?  And really did you have to cover the thing like it was a porn film contract?  I could care less that you look like you just got out of the penn and want to start an entertainment career.

JUST FUCKING GIVE ME THE PEN!

To The Not So Attractive Guy At Barnes&Noble

As I walked in, I saw Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, I stared at it for a long time because it was taking my less that prime speed brain a little while to figure out where I had heard of it before.  Right as I figured it out, I looked up and you were smiling at me.

I realized you thought I was checking you out and not the children's book.  I looked away quickly because you looked way too interested in me checking you out. 

I was NOT checking you out.  Sorry dude.

To The Waitress At The Pub On July 4th

Your service already sucked. I was wondering to myself how much tip I should give you.  My usual is 20%, but I knew you weren't getting that.

Then you went to your car.  Who of us, hasn't forgotten tampons, medication, lip gloss... etc in our car.  But when you came back with pinpoint pupils and the service got worse.  Which I didn't quite think possible.  I knew you went to your car and shot up.

Couldn't you have at least taken a stimulant, so maybe you would have gotten our food to us faster?

Why Is It...

That I hear the phone ring, the Tamil start, and my heart sinks, as my anxiety goes up.  I am the worst wife ever.

He begs to talk to my family.

To The CHEAP Bitch At Walgreens

I have to admit that I wasn't in the best mood, after I saw a line of 15 people at the pharmacy, knowing I have just two precious days of Z0l0ft in my big drawer o' drugs.  And then when I found out the condoms I was buying were like $2 each, I just kept thinking of how I should get my $10 copay birth control pills and forget having a baby anytime soon because, the cost differential is so steep, what with the boatloads of sex we are having over here.

And then there were the two lines of 16 people at the front of the store after I gave up on Z0l0ft and decided just to get my condoms, which were desperately needed, as I am a hormonal ovulating woman, who agreed not to intentionally get pregnant until October.

So maybe it wasn't you.

But when you had them call a price check on your Crazy For Coco Puffs, to save ONE FUCKING DOLLAR, I felt like handing you a dollar (it may have been in pennies).  I waited for 6-7 min behind your cheap ass, until I went to other line.  And as I was leaving you were getting a SECOND price check because damned if those things weren't priced wrong in the computer and you were going to save ONE FUCKING DOLLAR on your enamel eating "cereal."

Dear Walgreens Pharmacy Tech

You are new to my neighborhood Walgreen's, or maybe you used to works nights and I never saw you.  But either way, you don't know me.  You don't know that I have been a faithful customer for 5 years. 

You don't know that I am proactive about my health care and that I am honest with my doctors and not an idiot. 

So before  you ask me if I take Ac1phex and Ranitidine together *gasp*, please consult the pharmacist, or lexicomp, or something.   And don't ask me if I am taking these under the supervision of a doctor.  I had a PRESCRIPTION.  I did not write it myself, my doctor wrote that and if you look a little further, the same doctor wrote the Ac1phex prescription. 

I know, I know few people have such shitty luck as to have reflux every minute of every single day that hurts like hell, so maybe you don't see such a storm surge of anti-secretory agents thrown at one person, but really I think it is okay, as long as I dont start trying to get rid of my toenail fungus with ketoconazole.

To The Man At The Gas Station

I know you thought you were cool in your muddy SUV.  By the look of you, I think you got it muddy driving off the road in a DUI related incident, rather than off roading, but that is beside the point. 

And I know that when Nasty Girls was playing LOUDLY on your radio, you thought you were rockin' it.

But looking at my ass like it is a Christmas ham, after a day of starving instead of eating headcheese antipasto, is not going to make me come over and give you my "digits."

I Fell Asleep, But Am Now Awake

Have I told you about my neighbors?  I surely haven't because I don't give more than a passing snoopy glance into their garage, as I drive by.  But oh how they are drama filled.

I live in a quiet neighborhood, where every single one of my neighbors is an immigrant, except for my fellow American kinfolk, of whom I kindly speak now.  Suffice it to say things are quiet around her and no one makes a stink about anything because we are all very neighborly.

It all started soon after we moved in.  It was a night quite like tonight.  I was on spring break and I was trying to maintain my school sleeping schedule by going to be at 10pm.  Much to my surprise at 11pm on a weeknight, large booming bass starts blasting.  Pop in ear plugs and go back to bed (repeat many week nights).

Then there were the cars.  There was the Lexus with the bullet holes.  I couldn't stop staring at it.  I mean were they really bullet holes?  Holy shit! It seemed the wife and hubby were having disagreements about sharing a car, so they acquired a 70's model van, which got a flat tire.  That van has been sitting broken in their garage for over a year.

Oh and the disagreements? I am sure you are wondering how I know they disagreed over a car, right?  I know because they fight that loudly.  We live on a court and they are across the court.  I can hear their words from my bedroom... with the window  is closed.

Then someone's mother moved into the house.  She looked like she'd seen better days.  Like ones where she wasn't a drug addict, had fat on her body, and unbroken hairs on her head.  Well one day, I am being my admittedly snoopy self and peering into their garage, as I pass by to get into my garage.  In my defense, the stuff in their garage was always gossip worthy and changed constantly, with the exception of the van.  So this woman catches me and as I am getting out of my car she comes over and decides to tear me a new asshole about it.  I am a pacifist in these situations.  In fact I will rarely fight with anyone but my husband (lucky him!).  So I kept my mouth shut. She ended the conversation by telling me that if i were to look into her children's garage again (which is kept plainly open almost all the time) that she will kill me.  Yes, kill me.

You are probably wondering if I called the police.  No, I did not because I didn't feel this woman posed a threat and I didn't want to make her a threat by calling the popo on her ass.

Every single day I saw her riding a child's bicycle to Safeway.  What she needed to buy at Safeway, every single day, I cannot fathom. 

Well one day, there is a knock down drag out at the neighbors.   There are three people screaming.  I was ready to call the cops, as a safety issue at this point.  I didn't know if someone was getting beat down or what.  Right then wife and children head to the unbulletproof Lexus and head out.

The next day hubby moves out.  It has been quiet ever since (except for the time I was peering into their garage again and the wife yells out HELLO!) and I am guessing the older drug addict lady was somehow related to the now separated hubby.

Well tonight folks, the bass is bumping.  Hubby has been hanging around more and evidently works on weekends, since he is up at this hour playing loud music, tonight.

I mean I don't want to see families broken up, but for the love of god, I would like to sleep.

And why don't I call the cops?  Because I cant remember the address and I am scared to have the police come to my house and then go to theirs.