GreenSunflower

Goodbye Halloween... Hello The REAL Holidays

I was a bunny last night on the unit.  And in true crazy style, the PICU was popping.  I earned my money last night that if for sure. 

I have today off and you know what that means?  It means I have to take the Halloween decorations down, but do not fret my friend, that only means it is time to put of Thanksgiving decorations. 

Yes, I decorate for Thanksgiving.  I also have turkey earrings, turkey drumstick earrings, fall leave earrings, acorn earrings, and glass pumpkin earrings to celebrate the season.  Not to mention I need a new pedicure of fall colors, because I am going to have to remove my currently orange and black toes. 

It is also time to start testing Thanksgiving food recipes.  I have done it a little.  I can now make a mean apple pie, some unique sweet potatoes, and I really want to to work on stuffing. 

November is pregnant with promise.  Let's do this!

Good Morning Runt And Happy Halloween

9am... GS sleeps after going to bed at 1:30am

/Ring Ring/

GS: (In a weak sleepy voice)  Hello?

Runt: Mornin' Sissy, why you sleeping?

GS: What do you want?

Runt: Do you know why witches don't have children?

GS: /growl/

Runt: Their husbands have Hallow-weenies!!! /uproarious laughter/

GS: Great

Runt: Do you know what ghosts say to each other?

GS: /silence/

Runt:  Do you see people?

GS: Oh, god.

Runt: Do you know what ghosts put in their bras?

GS: Runt you are nuts

Runt: Boo-bies

GS: I love you, now let me go back to sleep

Runt: Wait Sissy, all my friends works nights and PM's, so no one is awake to share my jokes with.

GS:  I WORK PM's TOO!!!

Runt: I love you Sissy

/click/

First Rain

This morning I woke up, called my mom and asked if Boogie could go over there and play with Sasha (their dog), she informed me that is was "pouring rain" outside.  I got out of bed and took a look... it was in fact raining.  Then Boogie ran in and left little wet paw prints all over the house.  It was really cute.  She is really cute. I love that little dog so much.

In other news, I am still pretty depressed.  Babe gave the big no on a house I loved, and I don't want to tell him how depressed I am because 1)I don't want him to think I am manipulating him using my mood, 2)he is stressed to the max with work, as it is his busy season and I don't want to add to that.

But really, every night I go to bed really suicidal, just praying to sleep, so tomorrow I can wake up and start the cycle of "its better in the morning, and bad at night."

No depressing cases at work, interpersonal at work going alright, I am just depressed.  I really hate that there is no real middle ground for me.  I am either suicidal or doing alright.  Sometimes I wonder if I am bipolar, but then remember that I don't really have those highs, just OK and really shitty.

My self mutilation is really out of control too.  I do it in places that most people don't see, because I don't want people to know I hurt so much, I hurt myself.  I don't even know if Babe wonders why we haven't had sex in a very long time, or that he hasn't seen me naked for a while.  I am usually an always naked person, so maybe he noticed and didn't say anything, or maybe he is too busy to notice.

So, right now, I am just isolated and depressed, in my self enforced isolation. I know that doesn't help me, but I am tired of leaning on people because I cant keep it together. 

Holiday Fever

Holiday Crazy
Originally uploaded by greensunflower.
Well it was as early as July that I got the Holiday Fever year. It is almost the end of August and the Holiday Fever only started today.

I was going to Micheal's Craft Store today to 'just look'  and I walked in and the center aisles of the store were like an explosion of fall.  My heart started beating a little faster, I got a huge smile on my face, and turned around to get a cart.

These are my riches.  I have to admit, I am already thinking of eggnog lattes.

New Camera

Ornament
Originally uploaded by greensunflower.

Babe got me a Canon Rebel XTi for Christmas.  I have wanted the camera for months and months.  Now that is here I am certainly not disappointed.  Reviews said the camera is easy to use for a first time SLR user and they were right.  I managed this cute little pic after just reading the manual.  Now I am going to torture Babe with many day trips to nice places to take pics. 

My Sister The Clown

Don't worry folks, she survived.
Originally uploaded by greensunflower.

I have already said that my sister is in town.  When she is here, I wonder how I ever made it without her.  I hate that she lives in San Diego, but hate it even more when I get a taste of how wonderful she is again. 

NO ONE can crack me up like my little sissy, and I really mean no one.  She can be serious too, but oh boy does she make me laugh.  I seriously have sore muscles from the constant laugh sessions.  She is her for 4 more days.  I will have to catch as many laughs as possible.

Merry Christmas

I wanted to take a picture of our tree with all the presents under it, but I cannot find my camera, so an entry must do.

This morning I have been thinking about what Christmas means to me.  Though I went to an evangelical high school, I am not of the Christian persuasion.  I never think of Jesus' birth in relation to the holiday, though those nativity scenes sure can be pretty.

When I was a little kid, Christmas was about Santa, relatives coming into town, and my mom cooking a whole lot.  Now I cook a lot, Santa still comes (I love you mom), and there are less living relatives to come into town.  So Christmas has a totally different meaning.

Christmas is about family and sometimes friends.  I have never been away from my family on Christmas and if and when I have to be, it will not feel nicely.

Last night my sister and I were looking at our baby photos.  My sister is the comedian of the family and she cracks me up.  I sat there laughing hysterically and my sister just kept putting it out there, so I laugh even harder.  I am surprised my abs don't hurt today.  That is the epitome of Christmas: Sitting and laughing with my family as we share food, gifts, and love. 

The Amazing Quiet

I am sitting in my house, where no one is home, and I am not expecting anyone.  No one has emailed me today and IM's have been a minimum.  I don't have to study.  I have finished all my Christmas shopping.  They are all wrapped and ready to go.  No one is doing business right now, so there are no phone calls to make or things to figure out. All of my friends are either out of town or busy with their families.  I have opted out of cooking for the holiday. So, aside from some fudge I may make, there is not a damn thing to do. 

It is often that I am not doing anything, but very rare I don't have anything to do.  I kinda like it... for a day.  Because I know more than one day and I would find a reason to go nutso.

Bored

Since insomnia is rampant around these parts, I took a cutie little quiz, from my favorite quiz people.  I love the part that says people gain weight. Hanging out with my is like begging to be fat.

You Are Eggnog

Rich, sweet, and probably a little drunk. Everyone who knows you tends to get a little fatter.

What Holiday Food Are You?

I Admit It

I am getting a little tired of Christmas.  Wont this fucking holiday come already and let's be done with it.  My cheer is all used up and I am tired of peppermint mochas.  Even my Christmas earrings feel heavy on my ears.  It is time! 

I am also tired of obligations.  I will meet all my obligations, but there are so many more at this time of year.   I also hate vacillating between happy and sad.  I cant really blame that on the holiday, but it is a good outlet none the less.

I feel like an addict who got tired of my abuse substance of choice.  I guess that is how I know I am just nuts and not addicted.