GreenSunflower

The Gluten Oppression Gets Worse

So, often with Celiac's lactose intolerance follows the gluten intolerance.  A lot of times there are other food allergies too.  I have other food allergies, in that I cannot eat shrimp and scallops (crab, lobster, clams, mussels... OK), so I guess it was just a matter of time until something else followed.

I was beginning to wonder if there wasn't something else because even when I do not eat gluten and I know I haven't eaten gluten, I still feel crappy sometimes.  Gas, bloating, abdominal cramping... without diarrhea.  I am also low energy sometimes without a cause that I can find. 

What happens with Celiac is the gluten damages the intestine, then it is tender and other things hurt it too, like lactose. 

It is not anytime I eat dairy that I have a problem.  It is when I consume a large amount of dairy that the problem begins.  Last night I ate a boatload of cheese, this morning, I have an enormous amount of trapped gas.  I also have diarrhea.  I think I ate a ton of cheese and ate gluten. 

The gluten was because my mom cooked and evidently doesn't take my gluten intolerance seriously, or thinks that cooking gluten free will taste badly.  Which isn't true.  I have never cooked as well as I have gluten free. 

There is also the problem when I get a venti latte.  I drink all 20 oz of nonfat milk and feel the abdominal cramping and gas, without diarrhea, every time.  When I drink an iced latte, which has about half the milk, I don't have the problem.

I don't know what I want to do. I love love love dairy.  I don't want this to get worse, but I want to continue with my dairy.  I don't even know if I like soy milk.  And god knows I might have a soy issue too.

I will be keeping an eye on it and seeing what happens.

*of note: I have never been diagnosed with Celiac.  People at work refer to me as an undiagnosed Celiac.  I have obvious intolerance to gluten, but my intestinal biopsy did not show the disease.  I don't know what to say about this, but I will continue to live gluten free because I feel I eat and cook better, and feel ENORMOUSLY better when I am gluten free.

10 Rules Of Going Gluten Free

Lots of people ask me how to go gluten free.  All of you GFer's out there will agree it is a process learning what to remove from your diet, just how many ppm of gluten you can handle... on and on.  Here is my list of rules for living gluten free.

1. You will never drink any sort of good beer, ever again.  Go strait to hard liquor, it is the safest bet.  Wine is also good.  Malt beverages are out of the question too.  So all those girlie beer-like drinks... don't bother.
2. Soy sauce, modified food starch, and malt (not maltodexrin if produced in the US) will become your mortal enemies.  You can get wheat free tamari/soy, but the MFS is in EVERYTHING!!!
3. Wheat Free does NOT mean gluten free.  I have gotten burned on that one.
4. Chain restaurants?  Forget it unless you are eating a salad with oil and vinegar, no croutons or cheese.  Chef owned is your best bet.  When things are made from scratch, they tend to contain less gluten, and also you can then ask what exactly went into something.  Learn Spanish so you can ask the actual cook:)
5. Do not pay for information on going gluten free.  There is a plethora of resources available to you on the web.
6. When you start to feel high maintenance because of all the question you ask about food, remind yourself you have a disease and it is okay.
7. Trader Joes has a list of gluten free foods they carry, other stores might as well.
8. Never eat any gluten free bakery product you did not bake yourself, not because they contain gluten but because they downright suck.  Pretty much going gluten free means someone in your house learns to be a really good gluten free cook.
9. Vanilla and chicken broth have gluten a lot.  Make sure yours says gluten free.
10. If it says made on machinery with wheat... it might be OK.... it might not.  It is a calculated risk. Usually if it is something I really want to eat, I chance it once and as long as the ingredients stay the same and I don't get sick, I keep chancing it. This is a personal choice and flawed logic.
11. Your vitamins and drugs may contain gluten, read labels and ask your pharmacist.  Hopefully going gluten free will mean you need less drugs.
12. You have a whole new life ahead of you.  Right now not eating gluten seems like the end of the world, but it is really just a step to a new more healthy world, where you eat better.

Meds, Babies, And My Mental Health

So I have gained... I don't know... about 50lbs in the last year. If you are saying that is pathological, I will have to agree with you.  I have been trying to figure out how I could go from a fairly stable weight to this incredible gain in no time flat.

Well I take a medication that can cause metabolic changes and weight gain.  I have taken it for three years, with good results as far as my mood goes.  I was also for the first two years of that taking a medication that causes weight loss.  So I remained at a fairly low good weight.  Then I stopped taking weight drop causing medication about a year ago because the condition I took it for stabilized.  That is when the weight gain started.

I called my psychiatrist and told him of the issue and he said that we can try to taper me off the medication and see how it goes.  I have been on a half dose of the medication for three weeks now and had one day of anxiety and depression. I had most likely gotten gluten the day before as I was urinating from my anal orifice, plus I had something to be upset about.  So I am not too worried about one day.  In fact, knowing that I am taking half the dose and remaining stable tells me good things.  It says maybe my illness has stabilized for the time being and I can stop taking this med.  I will go to 1/4 dose next week and if that goes well for a few weeks, come off the med completely.

I am especially happy because though my psychiatrist said it would be okay to take the med while pregnant, I have read studies that say it isn't the best.

That brings me to the baby issue.  I haven't been ovulation the last three weeks, so I haven't been thinking too much about it.  Babe is getting more ready.  He wants a few things in place first and then we are a go.  I understand what he wants in place and am respecting that.  Though around the time I ovulate I get incredibly baby crazy and try to talk him into all sorts of things.  My Babe is a strong guy though and sees my hormonalness and doesn't cave.  We have both agreed what is best for us and I am glad he helps us stay on that path when I am going out of my mind with egg white cervical fluid and hormones. 

On the subject of my mental health, I kind of alluded to it before, but I have been doing great.  I made it through finals and my NCLEX without a hint of my mental health breaking down and requiring some increased attention.  My mood has been stable for about 4-5 months now and that is only good news.  My times of stability are increasing all the time and my times of depression decreasing.  This excites me so much.  My psychiatrist has always said that as my 20's come to a close things will get better because your twenties are hard and there is so much to learn.  I am learning a lot and it has armed me to live my life more successfully.

As far as my "alcoholism" goes.  I do not think I am an alcoholic at this point.  I think I had two instances in the last 6 months of drinking a lot in celebration of major events.  I do feel I need to prevent this from happening again though, as I do not enjoy the aftermath, so have instituted a new rule for myself.  I will have no more than two drinks in one day, no matter the celebration.  I am usually really loose and social after two drinks, but not making a fool of myself.  So that is where I will put my limit.  I already don't drink everyday, so I don't have to institute a rule about that, but if I do start drinking more days out of the week than I would like, then I will figure out a method for that too.

In other words, things are great right now and going as planned.

Old Italian Sausage+Gluten=

Very green, foul smelling, and copious liquid stool. Ugh.

One Fucking Accidental Soy Sauce Ingestion

and I already feel like I just want to end it.  Soy sauce is the worst, I dont even know why.

I am going to bed, so I can blow this out of my ass in the morning.

The World Keep Spinning, Even Though I Don't Blog

Oh my, my life is busy right now.  There is so much to talk about, but today I want to post about how proud I am of myself.  I want to do this because I have felt enormous guilt and insecurity lately and today I didn't feel that, so I need to put it on 'paper', so I believe it.

Babe is sensitive to almonds.  Yes, we are the food allergy/sensitivity central over here. When he eats almonds in any kind of large quantity or for long periods of time, he gets this horrible acne all over his face.  Now, Babe has a tendency toward acne anyway, but when he eats the almonds, he gets acne any zit popper would love.  Because of his skin tone, they leave big black marks on his face and he hates it.

This is where we run into trouble (with the almonds that is). I am gluten free, so I make gluten free bakery products with Pamela's Ultimate Baking Mix.  It has almond meal in it. Babe loves bakery products of all sorts.  So he cant help but over consume my delicious gluten free bakery products (if you are gluten free, learn to bake your own, nothing can compare).  So he ends up with zits.

I love to make pancakes with this mix.  Babe loves pancakes, but hates zits, so I set out to make my own recipe of gluten free pancakes.  It didn't turn out well, but this is where I am proud of myself.

I figured out that wheat was causing me drama over a year ago.  I just did without bakery products for a long time.  For a carb lover like me that was really hard. Then I started my little (and neglected) food blog.  I started to cook gluten free, usually gluten-full foods and they were delicious.  All my friends and family say they cant believe how good gluten free tastes.

When my diarrhea went away and my depressive fog cleared a little, after axing gluten/wheat, I was elated.  There was something I could do besides take more drugs. 

Most people hear I cant eat wheat products or some other gluten containing products and feel sorry for me.  I do admit when they bring a big basket of sourdough bread to the table with some nice salty butter, I crave for yeast bread (something you cannot replicate easily) but that is where it stops.

I started a new life.  One that is gluten free and much happier.  This life has the potential to make me feel really sorry for myself, but I have chose not to do that.  I have chosen to make it work.  To really make lemonade. 

And for this, I am proud. 

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

First of all, thank you to all the people who are so supportive of me.

For Valentine's Day, Babe got me a box of absolutely delicious Godiva Chocolates.  I started eating them that day and had a few everyday after that until about 3 days ago.  The diarrhea started on the 15th, the migraines started on the 16th, and the overwhelmingly oppressive depression started on the 17th, quickly followed by extremely dark suicidality.

I think the chocolates had wheat/gluten.  That was the only thing I ate that was not known to be safe, that I ate for days on end.  Babe noticed this a few days ago and I stopped eating them.  The diarrhea cleared, and now my mental state is much more clear, not to mention, I am not popping migraine pills daily.

Is this possible?  Can gluten do this to me?  I guess I still don't believe it. 

And if you are wondering if it is the chocolate causing me the problems.  I can eat copious amount of chocolate and have never had a problem.

So though I thought of killing myself with the food processor blade, after Babe hid my knives and took my pills (yeah it was really that scary), I am now doing better.

You may ask why I didn't go to the hospital.  I was in contact with my psychiatrist everyday and he agreed that I should keep myself safe with having people around me and removing tempting dangers from the house, rather than go. 

I don't think this is the norm for most depressed/suicidal patients.  Psych hospital is old hat for me and my psychiatrist feels they mess up more for me, than they make right and three days there vs. keeping myself safe at home, is an easy decision for me and my psychiatrist.  I think if you are suicidal and you cannot contact your doctor, you should go to the emergency room.  But whatever you do, be honest with your doc, and get professional help/advice.

Hopefully I will be back to blogging soon.  I started in the PICU and I have so much to tell.

Outback Steakhouse

So aside from listening to in depth conversations regarding the finer points of Battlestar Galactica, from other patrons, Outback Steakhouse has something else to offer me.

I ordered French Onion soup, sans crouton, and it came and I know it had flour in it (by the look), so I asked the waiter about it.  He proceeds to bring out a menu that identifies all their gluten free food items.  That was totally awesome and not awesome too.  I found out the Aussie Cheese Fries have gluten, and they are my favorite when I go there, so that is out.  But I also found out the Chocolate Thunder From Down Under is a flourless brownie, so I can have it.  Yay!

Props to Outback, for making the lives of the gluten oppressed more enjoyable.

At the W

At the W
Originally uploaded by greensunflower.

Babe and I are fans of the self portrait.  It can catch things just between the two of you, which are about both of you.  Babe likes to get a little zany when doing them, but I catch one or two a year when his tongue is in his mouth.

We are currently chillin' at the W San Diego.  We are here for my sister's graduation, but also taking some time to be us.  My sister says she is cool with that, as long as we are hers for all of Saturday. 

Tonight Babe and I are going to a great steakhouse, which I have been to before.  It is great and has a delicious beef wellington.  Something I can no longer indulge in due to my gluten oppression, but Babe can sink his teeth into it.

Then we are coming back here to hear the DJ spin some tracks (I am so cool) and hopefully my sis and her friends will join us. 

I am glad to be in San Diego.  I love this place and could even live here (if Runt never comes back to the bay).   

Signs Of Impending Psychic Collapse: Insomnia

So it is only 11:30pm and I only tried to go to sleep for 30 min.  But I know my brain and I know when sleep will not happen.  It isn't going to happen at this moment.  I took a couple of benedryl because no b3nzo works, nor do the newer b3nzo like sleep a1ds, once you use them for 4 years straight, everyday, just to function.

Insomnia is always the first signs that my mind is going to fall apart, besides of course, feeling a little less on top of the world. 

I also have some bowel issues, which means I got wheat. That coupled with my sour mood tells me wheat got into the mix somewhere.  I usually have an idea of where, but right now I have no clue.  We have eaten all but one meal at home and that meal out was at a trusted place on Wednesday.  It doesn't make sense.  I don't know what I did.  That will require further review.

Hopefully the wheat effects will work themselves out of my nervous or immune system and I will feel better.  I really don't feel like being depressed right now.  And I don't think after this summer of constant suicidality, Babe is ready for any of it at the moment. 

Finals are next week. I have a presentation this week.  Really I look forward to finals week. It means I study a lot with my friends, but none of it is new information and then I take tests. I love to be evaluated academically, so I enjoy it.  I am nuts, you don't have to tell me.

Right now we are studying shock, multiorgan dysfunction syndrome (MODS), and systemic inflammatory response syndrome (SIRS).  I think these are the coolest disease states and I actually understand them, which makes them even cooler. 

OK, I am cold as it is 40 degrees outside and I don't want to turn the heater on because it wakes Babe (fing light sleeper he is), so I will go lie in bed and hope that the benedryl takes me to a place far far away from my waking reality.