Broken Dreams and Crushed Spirits

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that in nursing school, two things happened.  I was in love with nursing, I could see nothing more wonderful than being a nurse, and I was at the head of my class.

I still love the idea of nursing and actually giving patient care.  I love my babies, toddlers, kiddos, and teenagers.  I love their families.  I love that everyday I get to do something to save a life.

But nursing in reality, is something very different than the fluffy clouds they show you in books and nursing school.  In reality you are working with people. People who have a sometimes painful job, people who are insecure (as many people are), people who need to fit in, basically humans.

Once you add that negative human element, not just the caretaking role, you get something different than expected.

These people get jaded after a fairly short time, and before long they are playing favorites, speaking badly of people, and excluding whoever it makes them feel better to exclude.

Then a little bright eyed bushy tailed nurse, who was at the head of her class and shows promise shows up. She might be a little dark, but on the whole she loves nursing.  She has a nice husband, a sweet dog, she is smart, OK looking, and has her shit together.

From that point the profession as an individual and a whole decides to bring you to your knees and tear your bleeding tender heart out of your body, such that you are ready to  leave the profession and never look back.  A profession you desired more than life itself the entire time you were in nursing school.

It will make you feel like you are ready to be a cooking, cleaning, dilettante housewife.  It will make you ready to abandon your dreams and never dream again.

That is where I am.  Ready to quit.  Ready to involute and never make myself so vulnerable as to dream again.

Comments

[Eh]

I'm glad the Hashimoto's cleared up! Most people take a VERY long time to recover. Nobody will fault you if you quit and go back to couch life; if you can afford it, go for it!

Maybe you can work on setting up your nursery :)

[SchoolNurseJack]

Having done the stay-at-home mom thing for a while, I can tell you that there is room for disappointment there, too.

Is a change of scenery (lower acuity floor?) something that could restore your faith in your fellow nurses? You worked so hard for this, gsf. I hate to see the profession itself lose out on you, for you to miss the beautiful lessons buried beneath the surface, and for those kids to miss out on having Nurse GSF caring for them.

(((Hugs)))

[dd]

There are so many different things you can do in nursing and work much more independtly. keep to yourself and just do your job.

it will work, I always say, i have enough friend. I do not need co workers as more friends.
best to you.
(I'm a nurse and LOVE it) but it take years to find your nich.